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Lesson 20 13 min read Premium

Talking With Teenagers

Keep the conversation open with your teenager. You will learn the ways a teenager who shows each style tends to ask for independence, how to talk about grades, phones and friends, and how to start again after an argument.

A parent and a teenager sit side by side in a car at dusk; the teenager, holding a phone, turns toward the parent, who listens calmly.

Why Talking With a Teenager Gets Harder

Many parents notice that the conversations that worked when their child was nine stop working at fourteen. Questions get one-word answers. Reasonable rules start arguments. The teenager seems to want both more freedom and more support, often in the same evening.

Wanting independence is a normal part of growing up, and teenagers ask for it in different ways. A teenager with a strong D side may push against rules. A teenager with a strong I side may pull away into friends. A teenager with a strong S side may go quiet. A teenager with a strong C side may argue the logic of every rule. The same behavior can mean very different things depending on the style behind it.

This lesson shows how each style tends to ask for independence, how to talk with each about grades, phones and friends, and how to keep the door open when the conversation goes badly. WiredType's test is written for adults, so this lesson is about the behavior you notice in your teenager, without a label or a score.

Key Point

Teenagers often want to be trusted with more and to know you are still there. A teenager of each style needs to hear those two things in a different way.

Watch Out

This lesson is about everyday disagreements. If your teenager talks about hurting themselves, may be in danger, or changes suddenly in ways that worry you, talk to their doctor, a school counselor or another professional you trust. In the United States, you can call or text 988 at any hour to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 911. Outside the United States, call your local emergency number or a crisis line where you live.

Read the whole lesson

This lesson is one of the premium lessons included with WiredType Plus and Pro. The rest of it shows how each style asks for independence, how to talk with each one about grades, phones and friends, how to reopen a conversation that went badly, and practice scenes with feedback on every choice.

See what Plus and Pro include

What the full lesson covers

  • The way each style pushes for more freedom
  • Grades, phones and friends, for each style
  • The best moment to talk with each style
  • Reopening a conversation after an argument
  • Your own style with a teenager
  • Practice: four scenes with feedback